This pregnancy has been a major test in patience! For some reason, I get very mad very quickly for very little reason! At least I hope it is the pregnancy! I have never had major anger issues before this baby came along.
Now on a good day, one where I have gotten up an hour before the family, sought God and asked for His Spirit to make me gentle with my kids, I am lucky to only blow up at them once or twice a day. It is ridiculous!
If for some reason I don't get time with God, the day is incredibly worse, and I simply can't seem to pray enough or get out of the funk at all.
Thankfully, I have never abused my children, but I am more harsh than I should be, and use the tone of voice that I used to judge other moms for. I am demanding and unreasonable at times. It breaks my heart to see them shrink back when I yell at them, as if they don't recognize me and wonder where their mom who loves them is.
How thankful I am for grace! And the example that little ones constantly bring me. One particularly bad day, for bedtime I told them a story about a Mama bear and her 2 little cubs. Mama bear was so angry and yelled and hurt their feelings all day and didn't forgive quickly and she said she was wrong and she was sorry and she was going to pray God would help her be a better Mama Bear. Then Mama bear asked the 2 baby bears it they would forgive her. Caedmon and Jonas yelled out, "We forgive you, Mama Bear!!!"
Oh, heavenly Father, always so tender with us, I need thee every hour!
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As I have pondered this, I wonder if it is more of that you are moving into a different stage with your boys as they are getting older, pushing more buttons and learning that they have a little will.....
ReplyDeletecan't wait to see you all in 8 days!